Figured It Out

I will do anything to keep my secrets..

Cant have you finding out the sick truth about me..

Had I known you already knew..

I may not  have had to kill you..

But I did not.

And in that moment.

As I sat in the barn, icicles running through my veins…

Squeezing my knees shut, to keep the pee in…

I knew I could not live if you knew –

and

That you could not live, if you knew –

IM SORRY.

SO SORRY.

but I was so ashamed

SO AFRAID

could not be embraced

so hopeless , so beyond REDEMPTION

beyond your LOVE

Beyond SANE thinking

beyond mercy

IM SO SORRY,

SO VERY SORRY….

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Survive

IF it came down to it

A choice between – you – and I

I would see it in your eyes

First, the flash of panic, like you have to make it out alive

Then you contemplate me,can live with yourself –

If you allow me to die …..

But don’t worry

I wont allow you that option

Wont give you the time

I don’t think about it anymore

So I throw you off the line

 

And I do what I have to do…. to survive