Mon Amour

I got obsessed with her..
Right down to my bones..

Oceans apart, soul mates..
She’s the only one I think of..

Dark eyes, red lips, wild – hair..
She is my crazy girl, in every way..

~ ~ ~ ~

I got obsessed with him..
His thick accent, piano playing..

Lands away, I started to doubt..
How could he love me from so afar..

Only his beautiful French words, to soothe my soul..
I believed in him, I still do..

~ ~ ~ ~

He promised to love me forever….
But we don’t know the real truths about each other….

miedo

Everything is perfect here . .

But I couldn’t create here . .

Somewhere over there . .

That is where I had to be . .

In the middle of chaos . .

I could write your fucking noose . .

So tight around your neck . .

Fit snug, your own death making you feel so safe . .

So sad you believe in fate . .

You don’t just die . .

You create this death . .

Your  final masterpiece . .

Bench Side Throne

Do you think of me?

While she is wrapped inside your intoxicating embrace.

Does she know?

Know that I was the only one, you ever really loved.

It’s a cut so deep.

You gave her the wedding, promised to me.

Wound Festering, rapidly.

She sits in my place, beside your bench side throne.

I gave you me.

In return you left , claimed I had betrayed thee.

How can you?

Tracing her perfectly smooth, warm flesh.

She is marked yours.

Your fingers never to caress me again.

() () () glowing ( ) ( ) ( )

Top hat, hands placed so relaxed – in your pockets

I remember when they would roam – under my yellow sundress

Now.. I just sit in the faded green chair

Your out on the streets, driving that cab, without a care.

You planned on breaking me

With that electric skin and scratchy jaw

I said I would never be bound again

So I built these flimsy ropes and wrapped them diligently

That you could see, you might pull them of so easily

Figured It Out

I will do anything to keep my secrets..

Cant have you finding out the sick truth about me..

Had I known you already knew..

I may not  have had to kill you..

But I did not.

And in that moment.

As I sat in the barn, icicles running through my veins…

Squeezing my knees shut, to keep the pee in…

I knew I could not live if you knew –

and

That you could not live, if you knew –

IM SORRY.

SO SORRY.

but I was so ashamed

SO AFRAID

could not be embraced

so hopeless , so beyond REDEMPTION

beyond your LOVE

Beyond SANE thinking

beyond mercy

IM SO SORRY,

SO VERY SORRY….

The Food Stamps War

So just a little venting. I would also like to hear everyone’s thoughts on this matter. I work at a gas station. The first of the month is always a horrible day for me because I work third shift. At midnight everyone gets there food stamps or EBT for the month. I know that this will probably start controversy. It is not meant too, I promise!

However I was very discouraged and annoyed last night. I believe that we need food stamps here in our country but I also believe they are being abused and misused greatly. Last night I heard all the grumbling and complaining that the government has sent letters out cutting back on some of my customers monthly food money. I do have compassion and feel bad for the people that are truly in need of the help and that use it wisely. However,  I see so much abuse of food stamps. For instance, one family bought 20 different types of candy bars, 6 bags of chips, 15 different kinds of hostess, 10 bottles of red bull and a tiny little half liter of milk. Really? I believe this is abuse, I know some people will say it is not my business what they spend the money on. But, um, the last time I recalled it is my money going to pay for it? I am NOT judging these people either. My mother and I had food stamps at one point when my dad was away. We used this money to get all the food we needed first and never really bought any kind of excessive junk food or energy drinks on it.

The only reason I even really mention this is because I hear so many of the EBT customers complaining that they never have enough. I understand that I don’t know everything that goes on in there household or their expenses. But honestly? I have to work so very hard just to keep food on my table and I have to portion and watch everything I spend. While 9 out of the 12 customers last night bought many of our candies and donuts and junk. If I have a candy bar its a treat.

By the end of the month, they barely have any money left and tell me their cupboards are empty and even have the audacity to ask me for money or free food, while here I am struggling and scraping to make a life for myself.

I really want people to understand I am not saying everyone who has EBT is abusing it. But there is a problem with misuse here in America. We need to stop this. I am sorry but I work very hard for the little I have, and I have medical problems. I just wanted to vent about this a little, I hope no one takes offense and feel free to comment and let me know how you feel about this issue.